Giving Plenty But Receiving Little

Is there such a thing as a burden when you are constantly the giver?

 

In short, the answer is no.

 

    You cannot truly be a giver if you feel that it is a burden. Anything that you do for someone else has to be what you truly want to do without expecting something in return. You can only hold yourself accountable for your own actions. So, if you find yourself feeling that you are constantly giving plenty, but receiving little in return, start with yourself. Evaluate why you feel that way because a true giver will give and give because it is something that is truly in their heart. I used to think I was a giver, but over time I kept finding myself refusing to do things because it was never given back to me. Everyone knows what I’m talking about. I’m not going to call because you didn’t call, I’m not going to give you a birthday gift because you didn’t give me one, etc. This is what I call a transactional relationship. If you truly believe that you are giving, then those thoughts won’t arise when you do something for someone. Here are some tips that I have come up with to help get rid of the transactional mentality:

 

1.     Think about why you are truly giving

        Let’s be honest, some people do not give because of the kindness in their hearts. They give to boost their ego’s. I have seen plenty of times where people will do something because of how it will make them look. Your motive for giving has to be pure in order for you to get rid of those transactional thoughts. If it is for your own personal gain, you will always feel this “burden.”

 

2.     Hold yourself accountable for your own actions

        Are you one of those people that will only do things based on what another person did for you? This is something that you have to stop doing. Instead of thinking about what that person has done for you previously, ask yourself are YOU in a position to give? Only think about yourself in these situations. Take responsibility for everything that you feel that you need or want in life, even emotionally. Expect to get those things on your own rather than expecting others around you to get it for you or expecting them to make you feel that way. If you can truly make yourself happy, you wouldn’t expect others to make you happy. It goes hand and hand with if you throw yourself the birthday party you desire, you won’t expect others to do that for you. Give to yourself first until you are full and then you can give to others unconditionally.

 

 

3.     Sometimes being a giver means saying NO

                 I am in no way telling you to constantly give and let others take advantage of you. Sometimes people will constantly take and take from you and sometimes you have to tell them no. If you are constantly being a crutch for someone, they do not know how to be that for themselves. They won’t know how to get themselves out of certain situations. They are depending on you and will never know how to depend on themselves. So, you have to say NO and GIVE them the gift of a lesson. Allow that person the opportunity to figure it out for themselves and not only will you feel like they are less dependent on you, but it will also make you feel good to know that you helped them get to where they needed to be. Telling someone “no” in a loving way does not make you a bad person, you are just setting boundaries for yourself and that’s a good thing.

 

4.     Understanding that you are receiving in return, just not in the same way

                  Whether you want to believe it or not, we are all in a constant cycle of giving and receiving. What you are receiving may not be the exact thing that you put out, but If you put out good things into the universe you will receive good things in return. You just cannot realize it because you are worried about the wrong things when it comes to giving. The first step to realizing this is to show gratitude and appreciation for all that you have whether you view it as big or small. When you are out and about start saying thank you for everything. Be thankful for nature, for making it to work on time, for food that you eat. Any thing that goes on in your life start paying more attention to that rather than what someone else is doing for you. I challenge you to start being more thankful and you will see what you have been receiving. 

 

Now that we know that there is no burden when it comes to giving, challenge yourself to think differently. Only give if it comes directly from the heart, not from selfish gain. Let's all get rid of this transactional mentality and then we can start realizing the good that we have around us.

 

Until Next Time,

 

Erica